Working and Stuff

Well I have been going to training this week and last week. It is a bit crazy and long but I can really get behind the philosophy of this organization. It is all based on choice theory and you can not force a student to do anything you can only offer them choices. It also feeds into that only you can control your behavior (not sure I buy into that 100%) but a lot of the rubber meets the road part to it is a lot like "Love and Logic." I will be working with at risk students which is the group that I really like working with.

With the boys we are kinda at a stand still. We have a parent trainer that follows Nancy Thomas 100%, who believes that her way is the only way and if we don't follow it then it is never going to work. She thinks if I don't stay at home, never go out with the boys, keep their world small, etc then I am setting up the boys to just fail and never attach to anyone. Oh I also am not supposed to discipline the boys, that is only supposed to come from Rob. I have never been a homebody, I need to go out even if it is just going to Wal-Mart, and also have been much more of a disciplinarian then Rob. It is just our natural roles. But I have to be almost fake with the boys and I think this is never going to work because I am not this person I need to be.

Now we are also going to an attachment therapist that works with the boys and us. They are like you have to be yourself and be comfortable. So for example me being a disciplinarian they are like if that is your natural role then you do that and we will work through the fall out in therapy. This idea allows me to be much more comfortable and in my mind foster genuine attachment because I am not being this 'fake' perfect mom. So now we are trying to figure out what are the best parts of both and use them to fit us. This is a difficult and hard task.

We had a great weekend this weekend. We went to a local park and watched a laser and fireworks show. We had two great days with the boys and I hate to even say this but I am waiting and watching on the sabotage especially from J. I hate this: loving the moment we are in, but always waiting on the other shoe to drop. I will and do look for the good and fully enjoy them while we are in them, but I will always be expecting the bad so I don't get too let down. I know this is so hard to do and I try not to be surprised by his bad behavior. Alright well that is a little bit of a catch up on where we are. This life is difficult and complicated so we make the best of it and just keep going.

Well at the Grind Again

Ok so I guess I just thought I was going to stay at home for the next year. It has been a rough week and a lot has been happening including what I thought was the end of my marriage. Luckily we are hanging on by a thread it seems like some days. We do have a great counselor for the boys that I think will help if we continue to go. So with all this fun and excitement a job fell into my lap almost literally and so I am going to be working a traditional teacher's schedule. I just could not justify not taking it when I am afraid at the very least we are going to be operating in two different households. Well so that is where I am right now. I am feeling between a rock and a hard place, put between taking care of my children and taking care of my husband. This is a pretty depressing post so I guess I will stop.

Home Sweet Home....Or Something Like That

Alright well folks I did it. I made the switch to being a stay at home mom and besides a few hours a week outside of the house for tutoring, or an occasional substitute teaching job, I will be here 24/7 for at least the next 365 days. Let's pray for my sanity and two children that don't get killed in the process. On the upside I guess ya'll will be hearing a lot more about me. So here we go as we start this fun adventure. Everyone have a great day and enjoy life. Remember if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger. (At least I think so because we are going to be testing that theory over the next year.)