Well I have been going to training this week and last week. It is a bit crazy and long but I can really get behind the philosophy of this organization. It is all based on choice theory and you can not force a student to do anything you can only offer them choices. It also feeds into that only you can control your behavior (not sure I buy into that 100%) but a lot of the rubber meets the road part to it is a lot like "Love and Logic." I will be working with at risk students which is the group that I really like working with.
With the boys we are kinda at a stand still. We have a parent trainer that follows Nancy Thomas 100%, who believes that her way is the only way and if we don't follow it then it is never going to work. She thinks if I don't stay at home, never go out with the boys, keep their world small, etc then I am setting up the boys to just fail and never attach to anyone. Oh I also am not supposed to discipline the boys, that is only supposed to come from Rob. I have never been a homebody, I need to go out even if it is just going to Wal-Mart, and also have been much more of a disciplinarian then Rob. It is just our natural roles. But I have to be almost fake with the boys and I think this is never going to work because I am not this person I need to be.
Now we are also going to an attachment therapist that works with the boys and us. They are like you have to be yourself and be comfortable. So for example me being a disciplinarian they are like if that is your natural role then you do that and we will work through the fall out in therapy. This idea allows me to be much more comfortable and in my mind foster genuine attachment because I am not being this 'fake' perfect mom. So now we are trying to figure out what are the best parts of both and use them to fit us. This is a difficult and hard task.
We had a great weekend this weekend. We went to a local park and watched a laser and fireworks show. We had two great days with the boys and I hate to even say this but I am waiting and watching on the sabotage especially from J. I hate this: loving the moment we are in, but always waiting on the other shoe to drop. I will and do look for the good and fully enjoy them while we are in them, but I will always be expecting the bad so I don't get too let down. I know this is so hard to do and I try not to be surprised by his bad behavior. Alright well that is a little bit of a catch up on where we are. This life is difficult and complicated so we make the best of it and just keep going.
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Hi there, I am not sure who you are using as a parent coach, but I know that Nancy Thomas doesnt recommend you never going anywhere. She says that you should just not take the kiddos with you; in the beginning. Meaning when dad gets home, you are more than welcome to run from the house screaming if need be! I was staff at one of her camps this summer and I brought this question up myself. I have one RAD and 2 bio kids and I did not want them to suffer anymore than they already do by limiting our outings. Nancy says to surely go out, just limit the exposure to the public until the child can handle it. For instance, instead of an overly crowded public pool, go to a lake to swim that might not be as crowded. Take hikes outside, etc. She also says that a child can go to the store with you and she has the child hold the side of the cart with 2 hands. When the child can do this for 3 trips and not take their hands off, they can move to 1 hand, then walk beside, then they can be given tasks to help with the shopping. Hope this helps!
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