Update

Wow. Where does the time go? I just realized I have not posted here in months and months. I guess I will give a quick over all update.

~The devil is great at attacking, and attacking, and attacking. I have been in the hospital with pneumonia. Rob now needs a kidney transplant (Rob was born with Cystic Fibrosis and had a double lung transplant almost 7 years ago). I have had to have a root canal. There has been a death in the family. And on and on and on. I have to trust that God is right smack dab in the middle of this, but sometimes I just want to curl up in the corner, cover my head, and pretend this is someone else's life. Then I want to just scream at Him I did not sign up for this and how much more in the hell does He think I can take. I am not as strong as He thinks I am and doesn't He think that two children with RAD are enough for one family to deal with. (Wow! Guess there was some anger there. Please excuse me while I have a moment with God to yell about how unfair all this seems).

~We bought a new, beautiful house. We are keeping our old house to rent out/so Rob has a place to go if he decides to bail (ok my thoughts not his). However to me this new house is HUGE!!!!! And my favorite part is my big huge bathtub, that the boys are trying to claim and I am stubbornly refusing. (They have their own tub gosh darn it and that is mommy's space, even Rob doesn't interfere.)

~One good thing that came out of my having pneumonia seems to be the fact that now J can not get enough hugs from mommy. The bad news is that this scares the crap out of him and so the Chinese Water Torture treatment is back harder than ever. Last Sunday Rob was out of town and he decided to write on his wall in the new house. Then even though he knew I knew he lied about it at first. It is so hard to keep up with therapeutic parenting when they do stuff to push your buttons (I do realize this is the reason they do it, but dang it can't they just once not know me so well. LOL)

~R tried to choke me the other day. He was mad because I was just getting home from work and then was leaving to go to parent training. He got a toy in his hand (a stringy yo yo type thing) and tried to wrap it around my neck. I left him jumping on the trampoline because he would not express his feelings and honestly I was in shock and could not think of another "natural" consequence.

~Sometimes therapeutic parenting is not fun. (Ok let's face it 99.9% of the time it is not fun). Sometimes I don't want to be the grown up. I want to yell back, pinch back, pull their hair, etc. I know this is not adult like at all, but gosh darn it I don't think I ever said I want to be a grown up when I grow up. This is not what parenting is supposed to be like. Yes there are good times and you savor and love them. However, there are many more bad times than good times and I know...hope... this is not what live is like forever, but sometimes it is hard not to feel stuck.

Well I guess that is enough for now. I am going to try and keep this blog updated more. Oh one more bit of news. I feel like God is leading me to get my Masters in Attachment Therapy or something similar. I want to open a preschool for older kids with RAD (ie when my R came home not reading and writing he needed a preschool type environment) and also have a family counseling center tied in with it. I have no idea how it will all play out, but please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as God walks me down this path.