Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Whining
Ok so today we have started really implementing some techniques, like asking for EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! So both of my boys are currently sitting on the couch because they were not strong enough to ask to play with the toys they had. Having them ask for everything is really tough, but not only with that both of my boys are whiners. You can be saying in a gentle voice "Mommy is sorry that you are not strong enough to ask to play with your toys. Maybe you need to sit on the couch until you can get strong enough?" Well they will sit on the couch and then just whineeeeeeeeee like you are killing them or that you took away their best friend or you have hurt their feelings beyond repair. And then comes the demanding. "HUNGRY!!!" As if I was placed on this earth only to feed them. Saying "Oh honey mommy is sorry you are not strong enough to ask to eat" is met with you guessed it, more whining. I honestly think with him food right now is something that he feels in his brain and not in his stomach. He is always hungry and always wants something to eat. Trying to break this habit leads to his favorite thing, more whining. And not giving your child something to eat when he is saying "hungry" just makes me feel all kinds of bad things about myself. I mean who let's their child starve (as my mother tells me). So where do you draw the line on feeding them? And how do you deal with the whining (when you want to stuff cotton in your ears)?
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We eat three meals a day and one afternoon snack. It's pretty much on a schedule. So, there is no snacking between meals. We started this when I brought attachment issues into our home. It immediately took away that battle. They could whine all they wanted, "Hey, look at that. You get to whine for 45 more minutes, which is when we always have lunch! Cool!"
ReplyDeleteIt also showed them every single day that they would be fed, and received PLENTY of food. They never went without. Just over and over and over and over. Retraining their hearts and brains.
Also, it takes any guilt off of you - you KNOW they are being taken care of just fine.
We also eat 3 meals and an afternoon snack, and it's on a schedule.
ReplyDeleteFood is really hard when kids first come home.. they don't have that food security. They HAVEN'T known that food will always be there, that they will always be full. They have HAD to overfill because they WOULD starve later.
SOME people say, give the kids a fanny pack of healthy snacks so they feel like they have food with them at all times.. meh. I am not of that camp. I am of the camp that says WHEN it is meal time, let the kids eat. A lot. More than a "normal" portion for kids their age. Because they will need to for a while for the emotional security of food. It will level off after a while.
Both of those are very good and sensible. I am not too sure I agree with having to ask for food, especially meals... I may think if you want them to ask for everything, you start off with them asking to play with toys, or watch TV, or for a snack, but you provide 3 regular meals at the same time each day. Also I think that the meals should be more homecooked, restaurant/fastfood, this will help them bond and know you are looking after and caring and loving them.
ReplyDeleteYou may also want to set up certain times for certain activities -- eg. 1 - 2p play with toys, 2 - 3p reading, 3 - 4p outdoor play -- but they still have to ask for what they want to use during those times.
My thoughts anyways.
I also do three meals a day, but we do 2 snacks (we eat breakfast early, so there is a small snack around 10:30am). The only thing I wanted to add about food is that my child does not have choices. Meaning that she is not strong enough to make a decision about waffles or eggs, etc. She is able to have all of whatever I have made for her. When I think it will not be a complete batle I will allow her to decide for herself, we just are not there yet.
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