I Hate RAD (but love my children)

I hate RAD. I do, I do, I do. I hate the things it steals from us and my children. I hate that we can't just have a fun time out together without always having to be on the look out for when is the sabatoge coming. What is going to set him off this time? Will sending him to his room cause the major melt down? Am I going to get punched, kicked, or bitten today because I deny him the simplest thing? Or is my other child going to turn on the Chinese water torture because I refused to let him pick out a new toy when resting in his room? So yes I DO HATE RAD.

However I love my children. Yesterday at church was such a good refresher for me. There is this great song by the David Crowder Band, called "How He Loves Us." You can find it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxTOsQ3LDE4

Well they sang it at church yesterday and J was standing beside and he was just belting it out as loud as he could in my ear. It was the sweetest thing ever, and the boy knows how to belt a tune even if it is a little off key. He also was playing with my hair (without pulling it, etc). The whole message was about how we need to worship even when crap hits the fan. I walked into church and was literally praying, "God if this is going to be my life and there is never going to be fun it, then I just want to die." (Not proud of this moment but it is honestly what I was walking through at the time.) I walked out of church feeling renewed and rejuvenated. I really do wish I could bottle that feeling up and pass it out to everyone who was feeling like I did yesterday morning. Now does this mean that I walked out of church and the same behaviors didn't meet me again full force. No all the same crap was there, I just was trying to look through it, to it. I was looking through the lying to the fact that there is going to be a healing one day. Through the crying fits to the fact that I have a scared and hurt little boy, but he is learning to trust slowly and that scares the crap out of him. I will always be transparent here because I want people to know they do not walk through this alone. I am so glad God didn't hear my prayer yesterday morning because if he had then I would of missed an awesome blessing in church yesterday. As one of my "friends" says just keep swimming.